Editor’s note: well, we’re finally here – after several months and literally dozens of requests, the “illustrious” Jonathan Capehart has finally joined our other “distinguished’ honorees on the Wall of Shame.
Initially, I’d resisted adding Capehart to the wall because while there is no question whatsoever that he’s an insipid, partisan shill who openly spreads disinformation for the Democratic Party at virtually every possible opportunity; his method of doing so is so staggeringly banal, robotic and soulless to the point of being literally “un-funny.” To paraphrase a much better writer than myself, Jonathan Capehart is how “the whole hep world would use Twitter if the fascists on Madison Avenue ever completely won the war for our hearts and minds;” the guy is a walking, talking, bullshiting infomercial for the Democratic Party – certainly worthy of scorn, but not really “Wall of Shame” material in the classical sense.
Imaging my surprise then when I typed Jonathan’s name up in the ol’ Google search machine and the magic of the internet spit back clear evidence that Capehart had spent the better part of February falsely smearing Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Party and then actually fucking married into it when he tied the knot with longtime boyfriend Nick Schmit (Assistant Chief of Protocol at the State Department) in May. It would seem that there’s a calculating political operative somewhere behind Capehart’s dull, vacant eyes; which is a problem when you’re supposed to be a fucking journalist and you write for something called the “PostPartisan Blog.”
Of course, the problem of Capehart’s insipid and quite frankly boring, advertisement quality tweets still remains, but I’ve tried to address this by presenting a larger number of Jonathan’s tweets to highlight the sheer volume of mindlessly stupid shilling for Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party that he engages in:
Wanted: to pass off Democratic Party & State Department propaganda as wonky “opinion based” journalism.
Crimes: acting like a walking/talking advertisement from the goddamn J. Crew catalogue, openly lying for Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, actively smearing Democratic Primary candidate Bernie Sanders on behalf of establishment Democrats and Hillary Clinton, doubling-down on actively smearing Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders on behalf of establishment Democrats and Hillary Clinton even after he’d already been caught doing so, to this day refusing to apologize for smearing Sanders on either occasion despite overwhelming evidence that he was either wrong or lying, dressing up like the older/balder version of Carlton fucking Banks, repeatedly quote tweeting the same openly biased articles with slightly different teasers over and over again for fucking days on end, projecting false neutrality while openly shilling for Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, repeatedly tweeting catch phrases and buzzwords in the most deliberately insipid attempt to appear fresh and relevant on the entire Twitter network, working for a morally bankrupt lobbying firm that knowingly lied to sell the Iraq war to the American public, those goddamn seven dollar Coke bottle-bottom glasses, repeatedly attempting to pass off triple exclamation marks and down-market emoji as relevant mutherfucking social media content, accusing anyone who opposes Democratic Party policies of racism, accusing anyone who objects to Hillary Clinton’s obvious criminality of sexism, trying to front some kinda “Brother Mouzone” thing without being anywhere nearly fucking badass enough to pull that shit off, drawing false comparisons between anyone who opposes Hillary Clinton and bloviating assclown Donald Trump, drawing false comparison between anyone who opposes Hillary Clinton and alt-right neonazi cyber-jackoffs, message crafting for Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, retweeting other disingenuous “opinion” journalists who message craft for Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, having the goddamn fucking audacity to suggest AM Joy represents “factual” programing in any given bloody way, looking like the ugly nerd in a Key and Peele sketch, seriously believing that the phrase “don’t boo, fret and bed-wet” represents some sort of deeply persuasive argument to anyone who hasn’t had a full frontal fucking lobotomy, extensive and gleefully hippie punching in the service of Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, extensive and gleefully red-bating McCarthyism in the service of Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party, pretending that literally everything the Democratic Party does wrong is Vladimir Putin’s fault, being the only Saint Benedict’s Prep alumnus in existence that I’m 100% sure I could beat at virtually any fucking form of basketball, part of a longstanding secret plot with CNN’s Don Lemon to kill and replace the Gumble brothers as a preeminent force in the lucrative world of sports broadcasting.
Collaborator Rating: 10/10 – let’s review: smarmy, faux-hip Twitter feed that’s equal parts advertising and douchebag ad hominem attacks against anyone who opposes his chosen candidate? Check. Long and dark history of doing objectively immoral goddamn things in support of power? Check. Pointless retweeting and emoji posts just to maintain a consistent presence as a “thought influencer” on the internet? Check. And just what the fuck is up with Capehart tweeting about women’s shoes? Have I mentioned that this dipshit actually married an assistant protocol chief at the State Department who worked for both Hillary Clinton’s 2008 campaign and the Clinton Foundation yet? Of fucking course Capehart is a ten folks – my only regret is I’m not allowed to give out an eleven here!
- Nina Illingworth
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