The Adventures of Smooth Kobra


Update: it has come to my attention that (perhaps in attempt to outrun the great shame his posts must cause him to suffer) Marcus has cleverly abandoned the handle “smoothkobra” on Twitter and is now going by the title of @marcushjohnson – interested parties are advised to note this change as necessary and disregard Johnson’s pathetic attempt to hide all of his “shitty” from the public eye.

As those of you who follow me on Twitter are no doubt aware, I am not particularly fond of pampered, well-off neoliberal puppet bloggers who happily smear the shit out of socialists for the machine and extra attention. One such “author” who’s highly active on social media (but basically nowhere else, lol) is 26 year old political science, freelance writer thingy Marcus Johnson; he goes by @smoothkobra on the Twitters. To be completely fair, Johnson is neither smooth nor more threatening than a garden snake but he’s well known for preaching about inclusiveness, intersectionality and class struggle despite being a privileged fuckstick who graduated from the famously posh liberal arts college, Oberlin.

For the most part, I’ve ignored Johnson because while it’s funny that someone who basically had life handed to them on a goddamn platter wants to lecture me about the right way to do socialism and why Hillary Clinton is the best; it’s not a particularly unique act online. I had casually noticed that a number of mainstream Democrats were helping to increase his platform and that he was attracting neoliberal followers like flies but what can I really say folks – shitty people just love to swarm together right?

Naturally of course, Marcus could not just leave well enough alone and at some point today he put out an article that I can genuinely describe as one of the most dishonest, mendacious, utterly craven smear jobs I have ever read in my entire life. Johnson essentially spends pages and pages telling anyone who’ll listen that the American left are all white, racist, misogynistic dudebros who’re just lucky wise neoliberals saved them from the evil Bernie Sanders. I can’t make this shit up, message crafting isn’t the half of it – this shit was literally a racist, neoliberal fairy tale and I do not use the term “racist” about a black man lightly in the year 2016 my friends.

What’s that old saying, you shouldn’t give a man living in a glass house a slingshot? Well, it turns out old Marcus has a few skeletons in his own closet and somehow he wasn’t quite “smooth” enough to delete them before he took up a full time career barking identity politics for the neoliberal machine; probably not the smartest move when you’re antagonizing Weird Twitter.

First things first, I’d like to present to you a collection of extremely “woke” screenshots gathered by a friend on Twitter – @See_Em_Play. Now, keep in mind that this all started when he began dragging this eighteen year old socialist on twitter and with that fact firmly in your consciousness – I present to you in it’s fully glory “The Adventures of Smooth Kobra”


TheAdventuresOfSmoothKobra JPG2


Three quick things to keep in mind here:


  • These are absolutely not rap lyrics, but yes I could have put another entire screenshot of him randomly quoting homophobic, misogynist rap lyrics out into the void. Why exactly it would make it somehow better if they were rap lyrics however, is completely beyond me.
  • Since Marcus is 26, the vast majority of these tweets are from 2013 and the oldest one on the list is from 2011; “Smooth’s” excuse that he was just a teenager also doesn’t hold water. You’re talking about a 3rd year college student at one of the finest educational institutions in the country. Furthermore, take a gander at the tweet from 2014 asking what professional football player Ray Rice was supposed to do when his tiny girlfriend slapped him (hint: the answer was not knock his fiancee out fucking cold in the elevator smart guy.)
  • Smooth would of course very much like you to believe that he’s grown past all that immature nonsense from the way, way distant past of 2-3 years go. This of course does not explain why he’s literally spent the last five months attacking socialists as racists on the net and chanting the accusation of “antiblackness” at people who are openly supportive of African Americans. I could point out that he’s doing all of this in the service of a 68 year old, wealthy white woman but this take down is already getting bloody enough.


Seriously my friends, does this guy look like he was a “kid” anytime recently to you? (Yeap, that’s him – offering to do your homework on the sly for money. Have I mentioned this guy likes to lecture people on moral responsibilities and inclusiveness yet? I have, okay!)


Smooth Kobra 17


Look, I could go back and dig up all the tweets where Marcus spoke favorably about socialism and when you can literally tell the precise moment he sold out to whatever part of the machine he works for – be it some shoestring rando like Peter Daou or one of David Brock’s start-up online harassment projects. I could, but I won’t bother – I think you’ve got more than enough information here to figure out what kinda guy @SmoothKobra is. I also happen to think he made a pretty serious mistake accusing Lee Fang of being a racist; don’t fuck with a guy who’s reach is infinite compared to yours “Smooth” but I suppose you’ll learn soon enough when it’s hard to get a job in the media after they’re done using you for this election.

In the final analysis, the simple truth is that Smooth Kobra isn’t popular or important enough to actually make the Wall of Shame, but I had some free time before I went to bed and I figured that if a scumsucking piece of shit like that was going to smear all socialists as racist – I might as well take the time to share some of his other thoughts. You can lie, you can hide Marcus but you really, really shoulda gone back through your timeline before you posted a haughty, insulting racist piece of crap like that article. I guess what goes around, comes around don’t it Smooth? Good day to you and good riddance.


  • Nina Illingworth


PS – as it turns out, Smooth has found himself a new friend in neoliberal, commercial feminist blogger @SadyDoyle; I am of course not surprised that two abusive, transphobic pieces of human garbage find each other’s thoughts and company inspiring, but it made for a good footnote.

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