Editor’s Note: as we chug towards the Democratic National convention amid rigged primaries, blatant media smears & Clinton’s possible indictment as part of yet another one of the endless scandals that plagues America’s most corrupt royal family, the mendacious, mainstream media machine backing Hillary is out in force online trying to stamp out hope & solidarity among Bernie Sanders supporters. This week sees two new additions to the Wall of Shame family, the infamous “Speech Boy” and a woman known for live-tweeting arguments with absolutely nobody whatsoever – good times. For more glorious on-the-take media action, check out our full Wall of Shame page today!
Wanted: if Cohen’s tweets are to be trusted, one woman has spawned with him; possibly even willingly!
Crimes: being literally the exact kind of neoliberal shit-weasel they breed in foundation labs and use to populate daytime cable television shows about politics, being a grown-assed man who still goes by the name speech boy, repeatedly and openly shilling for Hillary Clinton, repeatedly and openly message crafting for Hillary Clinton, being one of the many, dipshit white liberals with very strong and vaguely racist opinions about professional football star Richard Sherman’s behavior, repeatedly attacking Clinton’s opponents with straw man arguments, repeatedly attacking the supporters of Clinton’s opponents with straw man arguments, writing the exact same article demanding Bernie Sanders drop out of the Democratic Party nomination race once every month without fail for the past three months and counting, looking like someone literally glued fucking pubic hairs on to a Dilbert cartoon and called it a goatee, being the only mutherfucking member of the John Kerry fan club who’s last name isn’t Kerry, telling me on Primary night that kids in Michigan didn’t vote for Bernie Sanders because they were mad about the loss of manufacturing jobs: reminder – I’m fucking from Michigan, passing off pithy one liners that aren’t even remotely fucking funny as political analysis, being so far up the Obama administration’s asshole he actually fucking compared David Petraeus blabbing state secrets to his spy girlfriend with Edward Snowden revealing the true depth of the NSA surveillance on it’s own citizens, having the mutherfucking nerve to have a hero like Snowden’s name in his masshole fucking mouth, being so desperate for human contact he reposts both compliments and hate mail he receives on an almost daily basis, was once forced to kill and eat a young neocon from the Cato Institute while accidentally trapped deep behind enemy lines for weeks during the Second Great Foundation War of 2013.
Collaborator Rating: 9/10 – the only goddamn thing preventing Cohen from racking up a perfect ten here is the fact that his earnest (albeit largely pathetic) defense of neoliberalism seems to come from some modicum of genuine belief. Unfortunately, the fact that Speech Boy couldn’t write his way out of a wet paper bag prevents him from getting any credit whatsoever from his not even remotely funny “burns” against dipshit Republicans. What remains, is one of the finest examples of a boot-licking, establishment worshiping, shithead Hillary Man the internet has to offer – and I was dead serious about that “Dilbert character with pubic hair glued to his face” thing too folks.
Wanted: I’m sure she so very desperately hopes so.
Crimes: sweet mother of god, where do I start – declaring literally everything opponents of Hillary Clinton say or even gesture to be part of an unending war on women, pretending anyone running against Hillary Clinton is by virtue of doing so committing a crime against women, projecting false neutrality while repeatedly message crafting for Hillary Clinton, erasing people of color by claiming everyone who opposes Hillary Clinton is white, erasing women by claiming everyone who opposes Hillary Clinton is male, being exceptionally dishonest and disturbingly self absorbed, exaggerating and spreading the myth of Bernie Bros, being the bargain brand Jill Filipovic, being essentially everything that’s wrong with millennial narcissistic privileged White Feminism, straight fucking jacking Lisa Loeb’s fashion sense at least an entire goddamn decade after it was cool, conjuring up fake stories about Sanders supporters that further her preconstructed narrative about anyone who opposes Hillary Clinton being a boorish white duebro who should be shot, crying like a small child about the unfairness of social media when she was repeatedly called out for making up fake stories about Bernie Sanders supporters that further said narrative, outright lying for Hillary Clinton, arguing into the internet void with supporters of Hillary Clinton’s opponents who may not even fucking exist, arguing that not being allowed to vote is not voter suppression, confusing angsty emo garbage tweets for being politically engaged, purposely starting shit with supporters of Hillary Clinton’s opponents online and then crying abuse when they respond, pretending to be the “hip” neoliberal as if such a goddamn thing could exist, has been permanently banned from all New York society parties after maiming Lena Dunham with a champagne glass during a heated argument about the subtle feminist connections between Macklemore & Margaret Thatcher.
Collaborator Rating: 10/10 – are you kidding me? Have you fucking read anything Doyle has ever written? Her entire worldview and sense of self revolves around the coming union of neoliberalism and privileged white feminism she expects a Clinton presidency to bring. She’s so far in the goddamn tank that she’ll need to be put on suicide watch for a month afterwards if it somehow doesn’t happen! Sady is what you call a mutherfucking “raging fundamentalist” my friends; which is a good thing for Doyle because she sure as fuck wasn’t going to write her way to the top.
Looking for more glorious Wall of Shame action? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered – just click on the image below to see the full Wall in all of it’s hideous splendor:
- Nina Illingworth